Dear Central Sage: Advice Column

Previous Month's Advice

January 2021 Advice Column

Dear Central Sage,


I’m a senior this year, and I’m having some trouble with my thesis. When I first met my topic, it felt like we were meant to be together. But now, I’m just not near as excited about my topic anymore. How can I rekindle that excitement?


-Commitment Issues Izzy


Dear Commitment Issues Izzy,


No matter what type of thesis you’re working on, the best way to rekindle your excitement is to ignore the due dates and restrictions set in the “almighty handbook”. Yes, the parameters are important, but this is YOUR thesis. The only way you’re going to have fun is to do what you think feels best. If you really have the passion for your topic, there’s no doubt you’ll already be following all the thesis “rules” without even knowing it!


Yours,


The Central Sage




Dear Central Sage,


I can never find the work I need because my backpack is such a mess. What should I do?


-Sloven Student

Dear Sloven Student,

It's a new year, so take this psychological sense of change and, put simply, clean up your crap. I know everyone at Central carries a backpack, but you certainly don't have to. Just take one class at a time.

Yours,

The Central Sage

February 2021 Advice Column

Dear Central Sage,

Sometimes, I'm just not feeling fired up. What am I suppose to tell Mr. Patterson?

from,

Feeling Meh


Dear Feeling Meh,

If you are not feeling fired up just tell Mr. Patterson you are not feeling fired up. I’m sure he’ll find a way to fire you up more. If that doesn’t work, try eating at a snickers bar because you’re not yourself when you’re hungry©. It's okay not to feel fired up, take a break, prop your feet up on the desk for a while, I'm sure he won't mind. Or maybe try something physical. It could be anything from just standing up and walking to doing a tik tok dance. RENEGADE. It could also be your point of view on things right now. Did you just fail a test? Did you just get stuck in that one girl bathroom stall that locks you in? Start looking at the bright side of things. Maybe you can retake the test or do better next time, and maybe try hopping over the bathroom stall. If you are still not fired up or still have not even told Mr. Patterson then try writing him a note, or maybe stick to emailing due to the whole global pandemic. Personally, when I am not feeling fired up, I crank up the song “What Makes you Beautiful” by One Direction. After that I'm automatically fired up and ready. Another great way to get fired up is to, “fake it till you make it”. I don’t think anyone would tell the difference to be honest. Maybe eventually after acting like you are fired up you will believe you are fired up, and then you won't even need to tell Mr. Patterson. Also, try sleeping more. Despite Central Magnet belief, it’s actually important. Surround yourself (6 feet apart) with people in your class who are pumped up and maybe it will rub off.

Yours,

The Central Sage


Dear The Central Sage,

I don't know much, but one this is for sure...I'm definitely in love! But the problem is I don't think he likes me back. He doesn't even seem to notice me. I have him in my class but still it's like I don't even exist, and yet for some reason, I can't get him out of my head! I want him to like me, but how? I don't want to risk embarrassment or rejection. Any advice?

Yours,

A Student in Love


To A Student in Love,

If you really want to get the attention of your crush, find a picture of his house and show it to him! That always works for me, although for some weird reason they never seem to like me back, but there is no doubt that they are aware of my existence! Just kidding…please don’t do that. On a real note, unless your crush is kind of a jerk, they aren’t going to straight up reject you the moment you start talking to them. Just bring up something natural, like maybe you need help with a question and they seem to know what they are doing. Even if he does somehow find out you like him, you shouldn’t be too embarrassed. He will probably be happy someone likes him, even if he doesn’t like you back. So don’t be afraid to take risks, it was just Valentine’s Day after all!

Yours,

The Central Sage

March 2021 Advice Column

Dear Central Sage,

I've realized how expensive my morning coffee trips have become, so I've been trying to cut back. Any ideas on what to do in a world with less caffeine?

Yours,

Under-Caffeinated Upperclassman


Dear Under-Caffeinated Upperclassman,


You should definitely cut back on the caffeine; you wouldn’t want to start shrinking. I would suggest investing in hypnosis to make you forget Dunkin even exists. Since you’re going to have so much extra time on your hands, maybe you could pick up a new hobby like extreme ironing or ghost hunting. I’ve heard that ghosts actually prefer talking to people who are half asleep so I bet it would work out really well for you. And if you’re really absolutely bored out of your mind, I guess you could try doing your homework, but let’s not get crazy.


Yours,


The Central Sage



Dear Central Sage,

For months, I have been parking in the same spot in the parking lot. But now, someone else has started parking there! They just don't understand how much it means to me! What should I do?

Yours,

Disappointed Driver


Dear Disappointed Driver,

Of course, you could always just talk to this other driver to get things sorted out, but why not show how committed you are to this spot? If you are the first person in the parking lot in the morning, no one can take your spot away from you. Sure, you'll definitely have to wake up much earlier, maybe even sleep there over night, but the other driver will surely get the message and leave your precious spot alone. If that doesn't work, egging has always helped me. Or you could follow the instruction from Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats". That'll show 'em. But I am a civilized feline and would never do such barbarous acts. I'm simply giving you ideas...

Yours,

The Central Sage

March 2021 pt. 2 Advice Column

Dear Central Sage,

I have to work with this really INFURIATING individual. The network supposedly hired him for his charm and loyal fanbase, but according to my subscription to IMDbPro, his only credit is as a dancer in the Ice Ice Baby music video. I don't think one's mother constitutes a fanbase. He's rude, he's impossible to work with, and he's going to ruin my show. I'm trying to remain calm, but I'm panicking. He won't even read the cards I wrote for the show beforehand. This is going to be a disaster. I'm about to explode; what should I do to prevent an anger eruption in the middle of live television?

Yours,

Bob the Announcer


Dear Bob the Announcer,

Sounds like you've got your hands full with this new person you're working with! However, wise Sage that I am, I have many strategies for recentering and containing your anger. Just take some deep breaths during the show. On the inhale, think "If I kill him, it will be on live TV." On the exhale, think "I'm too pretty to go to jail." That's it, just in and out. If that's not enough, make sure a friend can give you a nice, warm green tea after the show. It can help you unwind, or, if you just can't stand him anymore, throw it at your coworker like this is a soap opera. Stay mindful and thank me later.

Yours,

The Central Sage



Dear Central Sage,

Do you have any suggestions for a great promposal? I don't know if there's a contest this year, but I'm super competitive and want mine to be the best.

from,

Struggling Senior


Dear Struggling Senior,

I like the competitive spirit here! A great idea I've seen a couple people do are scavenger hunt type promposals. Another one I've seen mostly on the internet, is a skit type of promposal. One video that went viral is a dude who got a bunch of his friends' help, and one of them pretended they were giving birth and the one doing the proposing appeared from under the table. The punch line was, "I was born to go to prom with you!" To be honest this one was a little disturbing but it certainly spiced up the idea of promposals and was definitely unforgettable; sure to be the best. Also, you might want to make sure your partner says "yes". It can be the best promposal ever promposed, but rejection will leave you with a straight 3/10. Be creative and remember it's your last year at Central, so what've you got to lose?

Yours,

The Central Sage